February 19th 2020
Today we made a movie, it has been lots of fun. We have used an idea from one of the old cine films Mum and Phil copied onto a memory stick for me, the girls loved seeing myself and Uncle Nick acting when we were little. The plot involved us kids finding treasure on the beach that had been dropped by one of the parents and using it to buy easter eggs. My girls threw themselves into the project wholeheartedly after making me promise not to put the end result on Facebook, I gave the promise most reluctantly. It was a really fun day out and we all had lots of ideas to update and improve on the original. We are all dying to see the premier already! I wonder if perhaps my girls will one day have children of their own and perhaps they in turn will make their own movie.
It was really good to do something creative together whilst out and about on the beach – filming on location! I have found a book on my bookshelf I bought years ago and forgot about, it’s called ‘The creative family’ one of the suggestions of things to do together was to put on plays. I got all excited, it was something I loved to do as a child. I actually wrote a couple of plays and tried to get my friends at school to act them out with me. I think it would be nice to work on creative projects as a family…..I just hope they all think it would be nice too!
I am feeling more and more drawn to creative projects today, I keep having ideas and seeing colours combinations that inspire me. Today I had a pot of tea in the pub by the beach after we had finished filming. The teapot was a lovely bright yellow and the cup was a gorgeous bright blue, they were perfect together and had a really retro look. I immediately had a torrent of ideas for sewing and painting projects which hasn’t happened for a long time. I was quite excited by it, I almost felt like a proper creative and it dawned on me that I need to be full of gratitude for that incredible moment of inspiration. Today I have felt a return of the passion I used to feel for creating things and I realise how important that is to me. My happiness project is working in ways I had never even considered, I am more motivated and curious than ever!
I wish I had taken a picture of the teapot and cup!
February 18th 2020
I have just spent the evening with Mum and Dad Phil, watching old cine films of me when I was very young. It was very strange to see myself animated since I am only used to seeing photographs, some of my mannerisms I have seen replicated in my daughters. It was fantastic to see my Nan who has been gone a long time now, both her and my Grandad look so young. I am feeling a tad emotional, in a happy way. Lots of nice old memories of holidays long gone by have been stirred up. It’s good to remember happy times, really good. I feel like I want to have a good old cry…..which is weird because I feel quite uplifted.
It’s been a good day today with lots of fresh sea air, we went with friends for a walk we do regularly along the coast together. It has a bit of everything, woods, gardens, fields, beaches and a great little pub that does both chunky skin on chips and skinny fries. This means that everyone is happy as two of my girls will only eat skinny fries, the oldest will eat pretty much anything that is made out of potato so either would be fine for her, but I prefer a good hand cut, skin on chip that is a bit chunky. It is the perfect pit stop on a perfect walk, even when it rains!
I haven’t done my meditation and I am trying not to beat myself up over it. Its half term after all and we have guests! I also didn’t have time to go running which I am really rather disappointed about. I am determined to try and fit it in tomorrow as I don’t want to start missing runs and get out of the habit. I want to be able to see myself as someone who is getting fit and enjoying it. I have been feeling proud of myself for what I have achieved so far and I like that feeling, it’s not one I have experienced often. I do not want to go back to being someone who constantly regrets not doing things I know I ought to be doing, I think I have the motivation this time to carry me through and I am grateful for that.
February 17th 2020
I have spent the day taking notice of things to be grateful for. I started with not having to get up before the crack of dawn today, it was lovely to sink back down into bed and go back to sleep this morning. I love half term.
We went for a walk to the Lost Gardens of Heligan with friends. It was very cold with sunny spells and very heavy downpours every half an hour or so. We all enjoyed it. Being outside has done me the world of good today. I am grateful for the whole day – apart from the bit where a pheasant lept out in front of the van and I had to slam on my brakes, although on second thoughts I should be grateful that I stopped safely and didn’t hit it. I guess you need to look a little bit harder at some things to see where the gratitude can be found.
I went out this evening to see the new film Emma at the cinema. I love a period drama. I have always been fascinated with what I used to call ‘Old fashioned’ clothing. As I child I was obsessed with dressing up in long dresses, petticoats and cloaks and I never grew out of it! Over the years I have collected a fair few books on making historical clothing, it’s about time I got down to making myself some fantastic dresses. I have no idea where I would ever wear them or what practical use they would be, but I just want to make them and play in them like I did as a child. Playing is also supposed to be good for you, perhaps I can have a tea party, maybe the girls will play with me……..Or more than likely they will think I have gone mad.
I need to sign off now as Mark is talking to me about about the logistics of ripping the bathroom out. Trying to concentrate on a conversation about technical stuff while thinking about playing dressing up and trying to write a journal entry is starting to get difficult.
February 16th 2020
Wow Gratitude is some pretty great stuff! Even just a quick read on the subject has brought up some surprising benefits of practicing gratitude on a daily basis.
I was interested to read that it’s beneficial to both your mental and physical health which is great, but the one that interested me the most is that gratitude can improve sleep, I was straight onto that little nugget of gold! The study says that writing a gratitude journal for 15 minutes before bed can help you sleep longer and better. I can start on this one right now by writing how grateful I am to have discovered that! I did wonder if I actually had to write it down and whether thinking about it was enough, but apparently by writing it down you process it more deeply and therefore it has a longer and more sustained effect on mood. According to ‘The little book of gratitude’ It also needs to be something different each day for your 15 minutes, not just a repeat. There are no shortcuts people.
I meditated and I did my run this afternoon! I feel that’s quite an achievement for me. The meditation was ok, the run was good. Storm Dennis had passed and the sun came out so it was beautiful down by the river, it was that lovely late afternoon, golden light that casts rays through the trees and makes long shadows. It was most welcome after all the days of rain, wind and bad moods. I am so glad I started this running lark and persevered with it. I do feel very proud of myself. If anyone had told me a year ago that I would be running regularly and enjoying it, I would have laughed all the way to the pub and then some more I expect. The day of the the 10k obstacle course race is fast approaching and I actually feel like it might not kill me. Happy days.
I now need to spend 15 minutes thinking about what I am grateful for before I go to bed. I can certainly say I am grateful that I found the ‘The happiness bible’ yesterday it has certainly given me the kick up the bum I needed. I am also grateful that there is no school run tomorrow so it doesn’t matter that it is nearly 11pm and I am still sitting in front of the fire with my laptop and a pile of reading – still no booze. I love these quiet moments when it’s just me up late, it feels special to have time when I don’t feel like I should be tidying up or something equally dull. I rarely sit and do nothing so I can safely say I am very grateful for this quiet moment right now – the calm before half term week starts. Wish me luck!
Febraury 15th 2020
I treated myself to a new book today called ‘The happiness bible’ I have only read the first chapter so far but it’s interesting and has made me feel a bit better about the last couple of days. I have been feeling a bit down and because of that I have worrying that my happiness project isn’t working . The book talks about how people can become depressed because they don’t feel they are happy enough and that in itself is a trigger for stress, I realised that I have been worrying about that exact thing. I saw my low mood as the failure of my project. It’s not of course, it’s more than likely a big old dose of hormones or the fact that that I am disappointed storm Dennis scuppered my plans. Thanks to the terrible weather I am now missing out on my once a year, child free night away to C.H.S.I at the NEC to look at all the beautiful new fabrics that are coming out. (it’s a massive trade show full of craft supplies and I LOVE it)
This realisation has renewed my motivation for my project and have pulled a huge pile of books off my bookshelves to start working through. First thing I need to do is look into gratitude, from what I have read so far it seems to be a big influencer in happiness. In fact I very nearly bought a book on that too but I stopped myself. I frequently buy loads of books but rarely do I get around to reading them all…..I am going to plough my way through the ones I already have and then when Mark tells me I shouldn’t buy any more books until I have read the ones I have, I will be able to smile and log into Amazon with impunity.
I have joined a group on Facebook for trialling moon essences which I thought might be interesting and would work within my happiness project. I have heard of flower essences but I haven’t tried them. I hadn’t heard of moon essences at all and thought they sounded quite out there but as they were created with manifestation in mind I absolutely wanted to be a part of the trial. I will be keeping a record of my experiences as part of the trial so it will be interesting to see what effect if any they have on me. I have a totally open mind and am hopeful.
I have just realised I forgot to meditate…..AAGGHHHHHHHH This should be called the 2020 diary of someone with a totally crap memory.
February 14th 2020
I am not sure what to write about this evening, I haven’t done much today except tidy away the boxes I pulled out of the attic and try to clean through the house a bit. Whatever tidying I do now will be obliterated in a few days as it’s now half term for the kids, so it all seems a bit futile.
I am tired and my brain doesn’t want to engage. I feel quite flat. I am regretting not buying the essential oils I wanted, I would really love to have a room full of the scent of neroli, petitgrain and rose right now. Those fragrances lift my spirits, I love them.
I did remember to meditate today, my mind wandered all over the place and thought about all sorts of things, and then I was interrupted by the phone because I forgot to put it on do not disturb. I persevered and tried a second time and managed to do it until the end, or at least I tried but it didn’t feel like I did very well.
I didn’t run today, my heart alarm kept going off again on tuesday night, I assume it’s because I have been under the weather. I decided to give myself a rest and resume on Sunday when I hopefully I feel better. I did miss it.
February 13th 2020
Started the day feeling a little unwell, I think I am coming down with yet another bug. The school run was wet and cold and I almost backed out of going for the Thursday morning Mummies walk in favour of curling up on the sofa to watch TV. I am glad I went though as I felt loads better for it, plus if we are going to be hit with another storm on saturday I need to make the most of the dry weather, the rain stopped and held off, the sun even came out in the end so it was actually lovely! not to mention it clocked up another hour of outdoor time and any time spent in the woods is good. Spending time in the woods also improves your immune system according to the book I have been reading. Every little helps.
I am feeling a little stuck with writing this today. I feel a bit like I am rambling on and not really getting anywhere. I guess this is where I hit my wall and start to doubt myself and the sense in writing all this down. According to all the self help books I have read this is where I need to push on through. Giving up would just leave me back where I started and kicking myself for giving up, so I guess have talked myself out of quitting for now. Perhaps it’s just because I am feeling under the weather.
On a positive note I meditated today! Yay go me, I remembered. I guess at least that is some progress worth recording.
I will try some gratitude instead and end on a high.
I am grateful for the lovely walk I had with my friend today
I am grateful that I have the time to go for a walk
I am grateful that I live in such a beautiful part of the world
I clearly need more practice at this, I took ages to come up with those 3 things and I am sure that’s not good, it shouldn’t be so difficult should it?